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Excerpt
from the Journal of V. Lee Parker
April 23, 2004 I continue to dabble in organic gardening. Today I planted two rows of collards. I hope these do better than the corn I planted last year. With any luck all my composting will pay off. Christine says there is a big market for organic produce in New Orleans and other big cities. Peewee is looking puny. Willie T. says he has dog colic. I have no idea what dog colic is. Willie says feed him some black strap molasses with his kibble. I bought some today at Brookshire’s and will give it a try tonight. I wrote a new story yesterday. It’s about mass destruction at a cemetery working. Confederate re-enactors accidentally blow the top off Major Sibley’s tombstone and the Sibley clan gets a little upset. April 24, 2004 Peewee likes black strap molasses-coated kibble. He ate all his food last night. The problem is that Francis likes it too, and he is already overweight as can be from begging off me. Willie T. says keep Francis penned up in the garage while Peewee eats. I will try that tonight. Linda brought over a quart of strawberries. I will be making strawberry pie tonight for the revival at church. I was overjoyed to hear that Candice is bringing cowboy cookies - my favorite. The Dixie Steamers will be singing at services tonight. I call them the Dixie Screamers. I will be wearing my earplugs and a scarf around my head to hide them. April 30, 2004 I met Dwayne at the Dairy Queen in Many yesterday to discuss his new poems. I had a hamburger and a shake and a dipped cone. Dwayne said I ought to watch what I eat. I told him it doesn’t matter what I eat – I have no children counting on me, just a couple of worn out dogs. He agreed, but said I still ought to watch it. He said his daughter Tiffani thinks of me as a second mother. I said, yeah right, she just likes the Icees I buy her. Dwayne admitted that was probably true. His poems scare me. He was pleased to hear that. May 3, 2004 Peewee is rapidly gaining weight and I have stopped feeding him molasses with his dog food. He is also lazier than ever. Willie T. doesn’t know a dern thing about dogs. I’m about ready to tell him to stay on his own place and keep off mine. May 7, 2004 Peewee continues to whine for molasses with his kibble. I could wring Willie T.’s neck. Francis eats all Peewee’s dog food while Peewee whines for molasses. Peewee could care less for kibble. All he wants is sugar. Brother Rayburn called yesterday and paid me a special compliment about the strawberry pie I prepared for the revival. I asked him whether we could get some quieter singers next year and he seemed a little put off. I forgot that Darnel Robinson is Brother Rayburn’s brother-in-law. He’s the screaming-est of the Dixie Screamers. Oops. May 14, 2004 Heard from Christine Fitzgerald yesterday. She is going to Panama City with the kids. I told her to tell them to find me a seashell. She said they would, but it would probably be from the Dollar General since they never ever have found any good shells on the beach. I told her never mind, just have a good time. May 17, 2004 I rode up to Shreveport to see Aunt Gloria. We had a fine time at the Hollywood Casino. I had to literally pull Gloria away from the craps table so we could get some lunch. We ate in the Fairbanks Steakhouse and talked a good deal about Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. and Mary Pickford. They have that nice picture of them in the Steakhouse – I’m sure they’d be honored to be on display in Shreveport. Ha ha. I had loaned Gloria my videotape of the Iron Mask and we talked about that and then we got on the subject of Mary Pickford. Well, Gloria kept going on and on about how Mary Pickford was known as America’s Sweetheart, so I pointed out that Mary Pickford was a Canadian, and we argued about that until Gloria stormed out and I had to go find her in the lobby and persuade her to not take a cab home and that at her age, it’s best to just calm down and let me drive her home. For a minute there, I thought she was going to whack me with her cane, but she calmed down after I bought her a bourbon and coke at the bar. May 30, 2004 Something is infesting the collards. I have a call in to the parish agent. Francis has a limp. Willie T. said it’s dog gimp, whatever that is. He said make a poultice of bitterweed root, mustard, and rainwater and wrap it around Francis’s leg. He said that’ll do the job real quick. I said, what if it’s snakebite. Willie T. said it’d be “more swole up” if it were snakebite. I told Willie T. if he’d make the poultice, I’d use it, but me, myself, I don’t know how to make such things. He said if that was the case, just take Francis to the vet in Leesville. So, I have a call in to Dr. McMurray too. June 1, 2004 Francis is better. Dr. McMurray said he probably just hurt himself goofing around. He also said don’t use a poultice made out of bitterweed as that would probably make the dog sick as – well, sick as a dog - if he licked it off as dogs are apt to do. I haven’t had much time for writing lately. I have an idea I might write something scathing about Willie T. June 6, 2004 Wrote a new story about a character called Riley P. Guess who it’s about. Riley P. gives bad advice and lives to regret it. Willie T. asked if he could borrow my tiller. I said not until he returned my John Deere riding mower with the rear bagger. Told Willie T. what Dr. McMurray said about using a bitterweed poultice on a dog. Willie T. said it was the root he recommended and not the bitterweed itself. I just said, whatever and told Willie T. to go on home ‘cause I was busy. Later on my way to town, I drove by Willie T.’s and noticed him joyriding in my riding mower, using it like a go-cart, that no good so-and-so. |
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