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A Letter I Really Didn't Receive
Fictional correspondence from the fictional town of Maureaux, Louisiana, regarding Mardi Gras, 2003. by Edwin Rawlsen Dear Mr. Rawlsen: We received your letter complaining of your treatment at the hands of the Maureaux Police Department shortly after the commencement of our Mardi Gras parade this year. We are considering your suggestion that we discontinue the practice of summary incarceration of those who, through considerable effort, become obvious and offensive to law enforcement officers during Mardi Gras celebrations. Be assured that, in the unlikely event that we change our policies, it will be a result of thoughtful and careful deliberations by our civic leaders, and not a result of any threats you made involving the ACLU. We are not afraid of the ACLU. See our practices concerning prayer in school, etc. We would like to point out that there are advantages to being incarcerated without charge, paperwork, or any formality. Because no one took down your name, your letters to us are the only documentation that you were ever in any kind of trouble here. We are taking your word for it that you were even misbehaving here and reprimanded at all. You will not have a criminal record as a result of any incident here. Rejoice in that. In addition, you will have no court dates requiring you to travel here from Cambridge, Massachusetts where you apparently now live. Although we do not generally extradite people from faraway lands such as Massachusetts, we do issue bench warrants. Law students, such as yourself, have been known to have difficulties with graduation-related red tape, bar applications and like matters when it appears that warrants for their arrest are outstanding. I would think that a law student such as yourself would prefer not to have any memory or record of the fact that you ever literally and figuratively showed your fanny here, and all parties involved will be better off if you do not show your fanny here again in any literal or figurative sense. Sincerely, Byron G. “Bass” Theriot Chief Constable Maureaux, Louisiana BG"B"T/rmd |
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